May be he might have gone tired, driving the boat himself alone, he might have even dreamt of sitting idle like me, with someone else to drive him. So that he can relax. I was not knowing it, I was not aware of it. I thought he just left. Leaving me alone in the mid of the sea. I kept quiet. I didn’t want him to stay, when he wanted to go, I didn’t want him to be disturbed, even by the very thought of me, I kept quiet staring at him from distance. I sat down, feeling so alone all of a sudden. By then he went so far, so far that my voice couldn’t even reach him, or I thought so. I didn’t scream, maybe I was so embarrassed that even the waves rushing around me will look at me and tease for my cries will go unanswered. I was scared that the breeze sensed my loneliness and that’s why it kept on blowing my veil away. I didn’t want to look up, to see the non-ending water I am surrounded with, I was irritated with the salt smelling wind. I couldn’t even escape to my solitude which had always been my friend as it even turned to a foe unexpectedly. I kept on thinking of the moment he took me with him, of all the good times we had. I was so happy then. Still I could not understand what happened in between. In my happiness did I forgot everything else, even him and his comfort? Why I was unable to comprehend his situation? Thoughts smothered my minutes, hours, days and weeks. Meanwhile I started wearing a mask, so tight that everyone believed it or I consoled myself with that thought.
I realized, rather I again embraced the fact; one has to live in the present. One should not be lost lamenting over the past. This struck to me again when the mask I was wearing drenched under my tears, the mask that I believed had helped me from being bare, the mask through which I had tried to restrain myself thinking I could be happy sooner. It wasn’t true. One could never ever find ecstasy if you cannot open up. Staying away from him and every one I loved was the solution created by my confused mind, it was never my heart’s wish, but I forced it to myself. My tears were the acknowledgement of the truth, one should follow his heart. So I stood; I screamed; I wanted the World to hear me. I was no longer ashamed. I enjoyed the breeze playing with my hairs. I giggled in the roar of waves.
Now, very happy I am. I understood it was high time for me to drive my boat which will have space for everyone who wants to be in. It will not have memory anymore, but it will create memories for its travellers. It will not waste time digging up the past, but it will always cherish the good times, and the passengers who created it. It will have and it has its own favorite passengers. And he will be one among them always. But it never, I hope will long for anyone but everyone is welcome anytime. I will try my best to drive you in your short journeys to your destinations where any how we have to bid bye.
In hope of driving my life and being driven sometimes
With love
